Article : Chauvinism or Chivalry?

Chauvinism or Chivalry?

By Demet Dayanch
(from Lov'in the Bul)

SMASH! BANG! WALLOP!

I wish these were just sound symbols from a cartoon, instead of the real sounds of a man publicly beating a woman on the street in Istanbul, as pedestrians just walked on by.

It was one of those occasions where I wished I’d never given up Karate at the age of twelve after only four lessons, so I could heroically intervene and stop the one sided beating. Instead I resorted to praying out loud to God: “Where the hell is Mr. Miyagi now? And then of course succumbing to asking the men in the vicinity, to help me, help her. However, I was not prepared to hear the answer that it was probably a spouse fight, so there was nothing they could do.

The gasp that flew out of my mouth stunned them as much as my reaction to their unwillingness to act. It was at that point they realized I was a foreigner, and so added an explanation. What these potential humane beings claimed was they had no right to help. I was shocked that they used that word “right” to defend their position. An ironic perception and abuse of the word “right.” But there I was, witness to a cultural law that supports men’s rights to own, possess and do whatever they want with their wives, as opposed to defending the women’s rights from abuse.

After a few seconds the woman arrived, swollen and shaken by my side. I immediately asked if I could help her in some way. The male bystanders, had the cheek to look at her, and ask if the perpetrator was her husband. When she informed them that it was, they duly responded by nodding knowingly and saying, “Your husband? Oh ok,” like that was supposed to make everything all right.

Within the exchange of those two sentences it became very clear to me that there was a cultural code to this nation I was completely unaware of.

Growing up in Europe meant that I had different values and beliefs ingrained in me – not beating up on people being one. For this reason I was not given the means to even begin to understand this code; just like the Turks were not given the right to live by my European code.

Regardless of codes, it begged the question: how can something as monstrously outrageous as a public beating from a husband to his wife, be culturally accepted in a country that wants to join the EU? It made me see the darker side of chauvinism that I was already exposed to in smaller, subtler doses, here in Istanbul, and which I had come to accept as part of a macho society where women are second class citizens.

It could be argued that chauvinism at any level is destructive, but what amounts to chauvinism? Is opening the door for a lady chauvinistic behavior, with the presumption that a woman is not strong enough to do it herself? Or is she just far too precious to open a door? Could it be that gesture somehow benefits men, who can look at the women’s arse when she walks ahead of them…Or is it an act of chivalry?

Most women (from varying cultures) at some point in their lives have been guilty of having the desire to be rescued by a gallant prince. And I have seen the most hardened of ladies melt under the charm of a chivalrous gesture from a man. But I wonder in a chauvinistic society at what point chivalry just becomes a cover?

Therefore, the flipside to that horrific cultural code of behavior that I witnessed between the sexes are other cultural codes, which on the surface appear to benefit women but which I question the deeper meaning of. For example in Turkey men are expected to pay for the women and women allow them that privilege. What is the intrinsic message here? By a man paying for a woman, is he buying her? Or owning her? What is the payback? Is it that in the beginning he gets a kiss? Then sex? And what after that – a woman’s rights? It sounds a little dramatic but these cultural codes feed each other in the power steaks where the man is the T-Bone and the woman the giblets.

In Europe the empowerment of women has led to men relinquishing that “chivalry or chauvinistic” (depending on your view point) gesture of paying for the woman; a rather interesting notion don’t you think?

…So, how much is a black eye worth these days? A starter, main meal, or just a dessert?

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This article is from a series entitled "Lov'in the Bul" which is a play on the idea of loving the Bul (Istanbul) as well as the "Bul" (Bullshit). Ultimately it explores various themes through Demet's love/hate relationship with a fascinating, if difficult city.

Demet is a freelance writer from the UK currently living in Istanbul who likes to write about current affairs, things that may at times seem trivial but somehow reveal deeper layers of the human condition.
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